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قديم 06-11-2016, 11:32 PM   #29
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افتراضي رد: let's learn and enjoy English language with Benefits


This is a difficult episode, as we’re going to approach a question that I’m asked all the time: “Brendon, when do I know when it’s time to quit on somebody?”

Often, the person asking is in a relationship and they don’t know if it’s time to break up. Or they’ve hired somebody, and they’ve given that person four or five tries at work and they’re not performing. How many chances do you give another person before you tell them that it isn’t working? Whether the situation involves someone you’re in a relationship with, someone you work with, or someone you’re mentoring, it’s a difficult discussion to have.

So today, we’re going to get into it. I’m going to give you five ideas on how to think through all of that, going into some difficult areas of life that we all face in the real world.

Now, after 50 million video views on YouTube and our websites in this last year, millions and millions of downloads of our podcast “The Charged Life,” and over 100 blog posts, I get a lot of difficult questions. Often, there is a story that accompanies the question, and it’s led to this first piece of advice I have.

#1: Abuse

As harsh as it might sound, the time to quit on somebody, hands down, is when there’s any abuse.

When there is abuse in a relationship, you quit. Period. You owe no loyalty to abusive people.
There’s a lot of domestic violence in the world. There are a lot of women who are treated very, very poorly and often physically hurt by their husbands, partners, spouses, or lovers. It’s a bad, bad deal.

And, often, these women or these folks who are being abused do not get the straightforward answer. The straightforward answer is: if you’re being abused physically, then quit. Leave that person. Get out of that relationship. Get somewhere safe. Go somewhere safe, like your parent’s house, or your friend’s house. You need to exit; not a month from now, not three months from now, but rather, it needs to be immediate, swift and done with bold precision. You need to plan it, and you need to do it sooner than later.

That’s so hard to tell people because we often have this misaligned thought in our head about loyalty. The fear arises that, if I leave this person, then I will never be loved. Or, if I leave this person, it’s unfair to them because they hung out with me for so long and I’m a piece of crap.

We make up these stories to validate people’s injustice to us sometimes, and at an abuse level, we can’t do that.
I know your heart’s in the same place as mine, and it’s difficult to do, but you have to do it. If anyone is being verbally or physically abusive with you on a consistent basis, get out. You don’t need to wait for consistency over a year or two, or three. If it’s one or two times, you’ve got to go.

Remember: there are 7 billion people on this planet. There’s going to be someone who will treat you better.
There’s going to be somebody who you can trust. There’s going to be somebody who might not come into your life until you create the white space for them to enter. By getting rid of the bad folks, you’re opening space for the good folks to come in.

If you’re in an abusive situation, please leave sooner than later. It’s always going to be the better decision to leave sooner than later. Plan it out, find that place of support, and go.

There are a lot of people and organizations who help with this type of situation. If you are in that situation, please look up a domestic abuse center nearby, look up some help and support online, or get it from family and friends. But for your own sanity and safety, and the sanity and safety of those around you, get out of that situation.

#2: Failed Discussions

Now, if you’ve handled the abuse situation, let’s look at this topic from a different perspective. Let’s talk about everyday relationships and interactions that beg the question: “I don’t know. Should I stay or should I not?”

One indicator that it’s time to quit on somebody is if you’ve had repeated failed discussions with them.

That means, first and foremost, that you’ve had the discussion with somebody. You’ve told them what you think, what you feel, what you desire, and what you want in life. And, you’ve done it more than once.

A lot of people refrain from sharing with someone until internally they’ve built up so much hate, anger and bitterness that they explode on the person and then they walk out. And the other person never even knew it was going on.

You need to give time for people to adjust and it usually doesn’t happen after one request. There have to be repeated discussions, not just repeated requests.
For a lot of people, when they are in a relationship and something goes wrong, they say, “I don’t like that. Do ABC.” And they demand things from the other person, expecting them to change. But they do this without asking the other person how they feel, what they think, what they want, what they desire, and what their actions are.

Relationships aren’t like: you’re over here, and they’re over there. Relationships involve connection, requiring that you understand each other in whole.
So, a discussion that recognizes this includes: “Honey, I’d like to talk about what’s been going on. I know we’re both frustrated and we both know it could be better. In this situation, I saw this and I felt that way. Could we talk about that?” You may ask and share: “What did you see? What did you feel? What would you like to see happen? Here’s what I would like to see happen. Can we make an agreement on this?”

It’s a discussion, and you can’t bail on somebody if there’s never been a discussion about your truth, what you need, and if you’ve never opened your ears to what their truth and requests are. Too many people follow this trend of positivity that subscribes to the notion of: if you’re around negative people, just bail on them, and just find somebody new.

If it’s a real meaningful relationship with frequent misunderstanding, first begin with dialogue to try and fix it.
You can’t bail on all your family members, friends or anybody who inconveniences you, upsets you or thinks differently than you. The world is filled with people who think differently than you. So, don’t bail on every person or every conversation that you don’t like just because it’s uncomfortable.

Instead, open up dialogue and have a real discussion. If you’ve had multiple real discussions, made multiple real requests, and the person is just not engaged in the conversation anymore, and you’re in a difficult place, that might be the time to consider either getting support externally, like seeing a therapist together. If you need some advice or guidance on this, I would recommend that you read a book called The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work by John Gottman. I’m not endorsing everything that John Gottman does, and this is not something that I’m sponsored or paid to recommend. I think this book gives people some basic premises of understanding what science has proven about great relationships and really bad ones. It explains what leads to long term healthy marriage and what leads to immediate divorce.

Just realize that you’re going to have to have these discussions. These discussions are going to have to be honest and real, and people will need to open up. Otherwise, if you’ve got somebody who is stonewalling all the time and if you can’t get through to them to have a discussion about the challenge and issues at hand, then that relationship is on its way out.

#3: Repeated Neglect

If you’re in a relationship and someone just never takes care of you, if they neglect your requests, your feelings, your reality, then that’s not a relationship or a friendship. If somebody at work keeps neglecting to do the job that you’ve given them, that’s a violation, too.

And when you see that over and over, someone just neglects your requests, neglects the job, neglects the responsibilities to you, your family, your kid, your team, then it’s time to move on. If they’re always in this repeated neglect and you’ve made the request, you’ve tried to course correct, and you’ve given the feedback, that’s that three-strikes-and-you’re-out rule. Period.

Too many people who neglect end up doing it for too many years, and now it’s a decade of a bad marriage where they never listened, or a decade of a team member who never contributed to the team. That’s just causing hardship on everybody and there is no reason for it. Let them go find a place where they want to engage.

If they are not engaging in your relationship or on your team, then it’s three-strikes-and-you’re-out.
#4: Repeated Lies

This is a hard topic and that’s what we always take on in “The Charged Life”. That’s why I talk about fear, disappointment and honoring the struggle, because this is real life. And #4 is important.

After repeated lies, this is the type of neglect where someone just doesn’t do what they’re supposed to do, and is outright lying over and over again. You give feedback, and you catch them. You ask for the change, they say, “I will change,” and they don’t. They promise they will not do this, but they do.

It shouldn’t take a thousand repeated lies for you to get the hint that you’re dealing with a liar. Period.
That’s part of who they are in that relationship, in that situation or in that segment of life that they are in. And you know what? Sometimes, the best thing you can do with a liar is cut them free so that they realize that there’s real consequences involved in their lying. Then they can go out and about, and find their own truths in life, as well as see the wreckage that they’re creating. They can get away, discern something, and maybe then they can come back.

But if someone’s always lying, just know that you’re not a truth caster. You’re not going to shift them by sheer hope nor will.
And so, please understand that if you’re dealing with somebody who is repeatedly lying, that’s the time to protect yourself. You don’t need to be around that and there’s lots of people who are supportive out in the world who will surprise you with their honesty, vulnerability and generosity.

The world is majoritively filled with extraordinarily great, capable, caring, empathetic people.
The world is not as full of narcissists and sociopaths as television would have you think.

And so, you may need to accept that most of the world’s pretty good, and that you’re dealing with somebody who isn’t a bad apple all the time, but who may be a bad apple in this situation or in this season of their life. You don’t need to be in that season of their life. That’s why sometimes in relationships, the friendship ends and 3 or 4 years later, you see that they’ve changed. They’re more honest and they’ve transformed. That’s great. But you don’t have to be there with them along the journey of transformation. And so, that’s one instance in which you might be thinking about cutting that person loose.

#5: No Appreciation

This is the number one reason people quit jobs. If you’ve been in a relationship long enough and they don’t appreciate you, respect who you are and what you do, and they don’t recognize your love, your heart and the hard work, then it’s time to go. If they don’t appreciate what you’re giving at work and you find yourself in a place where there’s never any gratitude or respect, where there’s no appreciation of you as an individual contributor, then it’s time to go.

If you’re not appreciated there, then go somewhere where you will be appreciated.
This is not just so that you can have validation or standing ovations. Rather, if you’re really giving from a place of true service rather than from a desire to receive validation, and they don’t appreciate you with either some type of acknowledgement, recognition, reward, kindness, or compensation, then it’s time to go.

If you’ve asked for it by saying, “I feel like I’m doing all these things, but I’m not feeling appreciated. What else can we do here?” and you still have not received appreciation, then it’s time to go.

Maybe you’ve had multiple discussions, but ultimately, those discussions fell apart. Or ultimately, they lied to you. Or ultimately, they continue to neglect your needs. In those instances, it is time to move on.

Have heart. The world is filled with so many extraordinary people. If you’re surrounded by a bunch who aren’t that way, then it’s time to find a new environment, and it’s time to build what you’re lacking.
If you’re lacking a positive environment, then create a positive environment. Start letting go of those who will never come around or who are in a bad season in life. Remember: you don’t have to be there for everybody. What you have to be there for ultimately is your life: you. Regarding those you are responsible for and who you care for, but who are abusive or lacking in all these areas we’ve talked about, it’s time to take that hint. It’s time to move on and let them go.

It doesn’t mean that they can’t change and maybe come back into your life. However, your job is not to usher everybody through to perfection in life. The world’s filled with great people. Believe that. Trust in that. Connect with them again. Create that white space of freedom so that good people can come back into your life again, and you will experience what we call, The Charged Life.






OK any advices topics
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قديم 08-11-2016, 03:45 AM   #30
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افتراضي رد: let's learn and enjoy English language with Benefits


https://savingplaces.org/stories/pre...-places-matter
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قديم 16-01-2017, 05:34 AM   #31
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افتراضي رد: let's learn and enjoy English language with Benefits


Back aslam alycom
Hope you are OK

http://portlandmindful.com/everyday-...shorter-think/
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قديم 27-09-2017, 01:45 AM   #32
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افتراضي رد: let's learn and enjoy English language with Benefits


Even if you don't miss my participation
I Do I Will Back Soon Hope You Are ok
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قديم 27-09-2017, 02:03 AM   #33
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افتراضي رد: let's learn and enjoy English language with Benefits


How I went from fashion model to software engineer in 1 year

Me looking fancy in a magazine
In 2015 I knew almost nothing about coding. Today, I’m a software engineer and a teacher at a code school for kids.
When people find out I work as an engineer, they often ask, “How can I get a job as a software engineer coming from a nontraditional background?”
Well, you can’t get more nontraditional than me. I was homeschooled growing up, and I’m a college dropout.
When I dropped out, I signed with an agency and modeled for fashion brands. I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life, but my sister was a software engineer and she loved it. So one day, I took Udacity’s “Intro to Computer Science” course. And I loved it. Coding became my biggest passion.
I knew I would become a software engineer. I also knew it might be the hardest thing I ever did. But I resolved to see it through. I was going to make this happen.
If you love to code, and keep working toward your goal of becoming a developer, you will get thereâ€ٹ—â€ٹno matter where you come from.
Here’s how I did it.
Figured out how you learn best.
After months of teaching myself to code, I knew I needed that next step, so I applied to several coding bootcamps. Yet I realized that I learn best not by studying, but when I am working.
Figuring out how I learn most efficiently was a huge help. For you, maybe you need to immerse yourself fully at a bootcamp, or take a part-time online program. For me, I realized I would learn best by jumping headfirst into an engineering internship.
But… how could I get one?
Build your personal brand.
I knew I wanted real-world experience. So I enrolled in Praxis, a program that places young people into apprenticeships at startups. But Praxis focuses on marketing and sales roles, and I was determined to become an engineer. So, I decided to find myself an engineering internship and use Praxis to help me build my personal brand to increase my chances of being hired.
I worked with Simon from Praxis, who helped me prepare for interviews and create my online presence.
My mom, an entrepreneur and brand expert, encouraged me to blog about coding, speak at meetups, start a YouTube channel, and continue to build my GitHub portfolio.
I kept sharing whatever I was learning about. Eventually, when you Googled me you could immediately see that I was passionate about coding.
Google yourself. What do you see?
Work for free and love the work.
While originally I had hoped to get a paying internship, I quickly realized I had a better chance of getting experience as an engineer if I did free work.
I found a startup I wanted to work for and pitched myself to them: I’d work for for free as an engineering dev for a few months. Then they could either promote me or let me go depending on how I did. They agreed, and I spent the next few months working harder than I ever have.
I relished every moment I spent just fixing one little bug in the app. Later on, I realized that although I didn’t have a ton of technical skills going in, my passion to learn and my excitement to be apart of the team shone through and got me the internship.
Even though I was working for free, I loved the work and the team more than any paying job I’ve ever had.
Make your nontraditional background a strength, not a weakness.
At first, I didn’t want to highlight just how nontraditional my background was. I feared I already stuck out enough just being a female programmer, let alone someone without a CS background. Then my mom said, “Own who you are. Use your previous experiences as a strength.”
For my first dev internship, I made it clear I would help out the startup in any way that I could. I talked about the variety of other skills I had picked up way back when I worked for my mom’s company, and how I could utilize those skills while I was also growing into the role of junior developer.
I didn’t just try to be an engineering intern. The first week of my internship, I did anything from uploading YouTube videos to writing code to making copy changes.
For many startups, they want people who are hungry to learn and get things doneâ€ٹ—â€ٹnot just code monkeys. What skills from your previous career can you utilize to make yourself valuable, not just as a developer but as a member of the team?
A few months into my internship, the company’s CEO, Bryan, sent me a Slack message. “Madison, we want you to work for us.”
I was promoted to junior developer. For the first time, I was getting paid to code.
Use the haters to push you forward.
Many times, when I told someone I was working towards being an engineer, they would look at me and say, “You? An engineer? Are you sure?”
For awhile this frustrated me. Then I realized that I wasn’t going to let what anyone said stop me. Each time I heard those comments, I went home and started coding. I used the haters as fuel to keep pushing myself towards my goal.
People will always tell you that you can’t do it. When you ignore what they say and just keep going, you develop a trust in yourself and a determination that becomes unstoppable.
On the other hand, having a support system who believes you can do it is immensely helpful. I couldn’t have become an engineer without the support of my family.

Just keep coding.
Getting that first junior developer position was the toughest and most rewarding thing I’ve done. If you focus on your love of code and just keep pushing forward, you will get there. No matter where you’re coming from.
So what are you waiting for? Let’s code!
If you enjoyed this story, please click the �� button and share to help others find it. Feel free to leave a comment
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قديم 27-09-2017, 02:05 AM   #34
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افتراضي رد: let's learn and enjoy English language with Benefits


This is post really inspired me so much I find it
On website
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قديم 26-12-2017, 05:39 AM   #35
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افتراضي رد: let's learn and enjoy English language with Benefits


If u have kids or relative
Kids and u want to improve their reading skills
Use this website
https://www.rong-chang.com/kids.htm
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